“Have you ever been told about the birds and the bees” 

No. I learnt my self, the hard way.
First of all the birds. Birds flutter and flap until their wings get tired and their bait becomes stale. Soon enough, they need more, they want more. So they fly high into the sky away from their nests to a new tree, a new branch. With their charms and claws they will build up the foundations of what could be. Until they suddenly feel a draft so leave again. Unfinished endings are left like open wounds. Because only the weak settle down, the young and feisty chase. They live for the chase.

As for the bees. We’re all afraid, no one can trust a bee. Although their fluecent fuzz shows kindness and innocence their actions can leave us poisoned. But everybody loves bees !! They leave sweetness and flowers, without them the world won’t turn!! Buzzing about providing the pollen. How on earth could such creature be dying ? Such species be dying ? You will only ever find out if you have trust in a bee. Having trust in a bee is the real danger, you believe that bee is different, that you have found a special bee who will stay in your garden and care for the petals that stand . A bee so gental, a bee so caring. But soon enough the bee will gather their pollen, with words of return. However, with so many other pretty flowers around how can the little bee resist? Your plants will wilt, dry, crumble for you know that bee will take what once kept your garden alive and give to another and another and another. Bees maybe harmless, but they sting.

 A New Pathway Of Life

It’s amazing how life can change depending on the minor and major acts within. Take this for example, GCSE results day. Thursday 25th August. Honestly, I was waiting for this day expecting to fail Physics and French due to my obsession with how difficult and mind boggling they both were. However, on the actual day I was blown away with what I saw.

Nothing could of prepared me for it. waking up at 7.30am feeling unsettled and nauseous I genuinely felt like I was waiting in the middle of a road for an artic lorry to flatter my body. Arriving at school it unsettled me more seeing the ever so familiar faces of people who had sub-contiously been setting expectations to live by for 5 years of my life. Soon enough we were let in. The hall didn’t seam different from when I left, I didn’t feel special being back if anything being back made me realise how fortunate I had been to be able to leave. The queues were agonisingly long yet the realisation of our GCSEs results being a few meters away was just too close to comfort.

Now, for those who say “GCSEs are irrelevant to your future” I say fair enough I’m sure there is some way of getting through life without getting top grades. However, I wanted to achieve and do well. for me this was a big step and a big challenge. All through high school I had been put down by many teachers and students to me doing well was a middle finger to expectations and to show myself i can do it. It was not easy none of it was easy but you have to stick with it neither-less with the weeks and months of solid hard work I still had doubt in my heart that it wouldn’t work out that somehow I’d failed.

The queue shortened, soon enough it was my turn to sit with the lady and collect my grades. My whole body was shaking as adrenaline was pulsating all around.This was it.

My results read the following,

Biology  C -Why’d you fuck me over unit 3

Chemistry B – still in disbelief

Drama B – just incase I want to be an actress xxx

English Language B

English Literature A – I’m still internally crying

French C – HOW ON EARTH HAHAHAHA

History B

Math B – Thank the Lord

Physics C – No words I don’t even know

Psychology B

Religious Education B

Im still deeply overwhelmed and ecstatic. I literally ran to my mum in the schools car park where we drove to Winstanley college I needed 48 points to get in, I had 50. Honestly so made up. The next step at enrolment was choosing my A Levels.I had no clue for the future.. what to be/ where do want to go/ how to get anywhere from an unanswered question. Because I have many ideas, too many ideas maybe. I think now about what i want to be and a few options come to mind like a nutritionist, food blogger, hotel owner, something in law, manager of people all of the above? Seriously though my mind just doesn’t know and truthfully I don’t want to know. Now high school is over this is just hammering down the nails that stabilises the tent of life and I’m not ready to set up a life for myself yet. I’m not ready to plan for the future I was happy chewing gum in the back of chemistry watching the bunson burner do things I should of understood. Or watching films through the projector last period on Fridays. So when an official at a college asks “what do you want to do?” I simply reply with “be rich” I mean life is great then isn’t it.. I can have designer clothing, a shoe and bag collection in my walk in wardrobe that has a large window with threes pressing against its gloss white boarders. However, this is real life and the actual likely hood of me having that is highly unlikely. But right now when I think of ‘future’ thats what I see and want. Unfortuantly, life never panns out the way we want it to.

After a long discussion I settled with Philosophy, English combined and Psychology. I’m still unsure with Psychology but I’m just going to give it ago and see what happens. The thought of starting college excites me no one knowing who you are or who you’ve been in the past. It’s like there is no past only the future. So right now, all I can say is bring it.

 

A for Amateur

Blog Post 1

People start blogs with intentions and an aim to probably benefit their life in a way nothing else could. I may or may not be just like them in the sense I feel as though a blog may satisfy the subconscious thinking patterns that I cannot control.

I wouldn’t describe myself as impulsive not action wise anyway, however how do I define the fact in which I was scrolling through Tumblr and saw a blog post and though wow I want to start one of those. So now I’m here. Unaware of what this actually does. For all I know I could be signing up for a cult or to a site full of teens ready to attack any suggestive problematic activity or a site where obsessive fan girls explode over something that happened in  fictional land. This can be considered as quite daring (how sad am I) but keeping clear of a cynical mind-set  I’m actually excited to start a blog. who knows what’s going to happen or if I’m even going to keep this up.

 

p.s I don’t actually like berries I have a growing mistrust with them so that photo is very misleading (it’s all good the berries are gone)