“Have you ever been told about the birds and the bees” 

No. I learnt my self, the hard way.
First of all the birds. Birds flutter and flap until their wings get tired and their bait becomes stale. Soon enough, they need more, they want more. So they fly high into the sky away from their nests to a new tree, a new branch. With their charms and claws they will build up the foundations of what could be. Until they suddenly feel a draft so leave again. Unfinished endings are left like open wounds. Because only the weak settle down, the young and feisty chase. They live for the chase.

As for the bees. We’re all afraid, no one can trust a bee. Although their fluecent fuzz shows kindness and innocence their actions can leave us poisoned. But everybody loves bees !! They leave sweetness and flowers, without them the world won’t turn!! Buzzing about providing the pollen. How on earth could such creature be dying ? Such species be dying ? You will only ever find out if you have trust in a bee. Having trust in a bee is the real danger, you believe that bee is different, that you have found a special bee who will stay in your garden and care for the petals that stand . A bee so gental, a bee so caring. But soon enough the bee will gather their pollen, with words of return. However, with so many other pretty flowers around how can the little bee resist? Your plants will wilt, dry, crumble for you know that bee will take what once kept your garden alive and give to another and another and another. Bees maybe harmless, but they sting.


 A New Pathway Of Life

It’s amazing how life can change depending on the minor and major acts within. Take this for example, GCSE results day. Thursday 25th August. Honestly, I was waiting for this day expecting to fail Physics and French due to my obsession with how difficult and mind boggling they both were. However, on the actual day I was blown away with what I saw.

Nothing could of prepared me for it. waking up at 7.30am feeling unsettled and nauseous I genuinely felt like I was waiting in the middle of a road for an artic lorry to flatter my body. Arriving at school it unsettled me more seeing the ever so familiar faces of people who had sub-contiously been setting expectations to live by for 5 years of my life. Soon enough we were let in. The hall didn’t seam different from when I left, I didn’t feel special being back if anything being back made me realise how fortunate I had been to be able to leave. The queues were agonisingly long yet the realisation of our GCSEs results being a few meters away was just too close to comfort.

Now, for those who say “GCSEs are irrelevant to your future” I say fair enough I’m sure there is some way of getting through life without getting top grades. However, I wanted to achieve and do well. for me this was a big step and a big challenge. All through high school I had been put down by many teachers and students to me doing well was a middle finger to expectations and to show myself i can do it. It was not easy none of it was easy but you have to stick with it neither-less with the weeks and months of solid hard work I still had doubt in my heart that it wouldn’t work out that somehow I’d failed.

The queue shortened, soon enough it was my turn to sit with the lady and collect my grades. My whole body was shaking as adrenaline was pulsating all around.This was it.

My results read the following,

Biology  C -Why’d you fuck me over unit 3

Chemistry B – still in disbelief

Drama B – just incase I want to be an actress xxx

English Language B

English Literature A – I’m still internally crying


History B

Math B – Thank the Lord

Physics C – No words I don’t even know

Psychology B

Religious Education B

Im still deeply overwhelmed and ecstatic. I literally ran to my mum in the schools car park where we drove to Winstanley college I needed 48 points to get in, I had 50. Honestly so made up. The next step at enrolment was choosing my A Levels.I had no clue for the future.. what to be/ where do want to go/ how to get anywhere from an unanswered question. Because I have many ideas, too many ideas maybe. I think now about what i want to be and a few options come to mind like a nutritionist, food blogger, hotel owner, something in law, manager of people all of the above? Seriously though my mind just doesn’t know and truthfully I don’t want to know. Now high school is over this is just hammering down the nails that stabilises the tent of life and I’m not ready to set up a life for myself yet. I’m not ready to plan for the future I was happy chewing gum in the back of chemistry watching the bunson burner do things I should of understood. Or watching films through the projector last period on Fridays. So when an official at a college asks “what do you want to do?” I simply reply with “be rich” I mean life is great then isn’t it.. I can have designer clothing, a shoe and bag collection in my walk in wardrobe that has a large window with threes pressing against its gloss white boarders. However, this is real life and the actual likely hood of me having that is highly unlikely. But right now when I think of ‘future’ thats what I see and want. Unfortuantly, life never panns out the way we want it to.

After a long discussion I settled with Philosophy, English combined and Psychology. I’m still unsure with Psychology but I’m just going to give it ago and see what happens. The thought of starting college excites me no one knowing who you are or who you’ve been in the past. It’s like there is no past only the future. So right now, all I can say is bring it.


I Don’t Want Your Porn

Instagram. Cue the eye roll for the white girl has gone too far yet again but honestly this was utterly devastating for me. I feel as though my hard work and accomplishments had gone to pot. This may come across as shameful and social media obsessed. However, Instagram was where I posted photos I had taken myself all around the world (Europe) I’d started at the age of 13 to now, 16. It had many amazing memories and followed me through high school as a diary so to speak. The fact high school is now over and my Instagram is to I have to restart, however it doesn’t feel right that I don’t have my ‘ratio’ or the little accounts that even though you haven’t ever spoke you feel a great bond just by liking each others posts.

Let me begin with the first blip of my Instagram, I was on holiday and at around 3 in the morning with extremely poor wi-fi puking my guts out when suddenly my phone got attacked with vibrations. It was one of my friends spamming me with messages like ‘CHECK YOUR INSTAGRAM’ and ‘YOUVE BEEN HACKED’ obviously alarmed I quickly loaded the app up and she was right, I had been locked out. Luckily I had linked my Instragram to my Facebook but unfortunately my Facebook password had been changed also. The first thing in my mind was ‘my family are going to get spammed with porn’ as that was what happening on my instagram sharing “my” nudes to 800+ people. Luckily after answering a few security questions I was in and could then access my instagram finally I changed everything back to normal and it was like nothing ever happened.

Until around 2 days ago, I woke up one morning with a ridiculous amount of following requests from people who were so closely familiar their accounts were just not right. As there was so many I was sat in a state of confusion that was till I noticed my name, icon and bio had all been changed but the thing that got to me the most was the fact they’d followed 3k+ accounts. Honestly my heart sank I can’t unfollow that many accounts even if I did they’d keep on following mass number of people.

So now I’ve accepted this for what it is, my feed, I’ve worked on for so long full of my own ‘photography’ and memories are now drifting among the spam riddled accounts. So I start fresh. But to say good-bye (I’m so so sad) to all the memories and great people I found through my account I’m going to talk about my feed and to keep it on here as I did really appreciate it as art even though I’m probably the only one.


These were the last posts on my Instagram. The final year of highschool selfies during the best/worst times of my life. Following through to the not so magical prom night but it’s a night I’ll always remember held together with great days and lovely scenery. Not forgetting my face (apologies there) This earea of my feed is the fullest my feed had ever got with friends and people I had met. In fact I adore how this section really brings out the social side of me as I do cherish my friends very much.

Moving on,

If i was to sum up this time of my life it would definetly be complicated. I really struggled to work out which decision and pathway to take in which was going to befit me most for the long run. However after the flood of “throwback” photos I worked out the best thing to do. When I say “worked out” I actually mean forced my self into an oblivion mindset of canceling out any other options that would leave me in ruins.

Life lesson 1: think about you later because that’ll be the you which deal with the consequences of your actions now

Following through,

I can only describe this section of feed as summer 2015, in fact their was more to this summer but I deleted it due to it just not sitting well with me. It felt too forced to actually mean anything which really sculpts my feelings towards Instagram and how upsetting it is to be parted by a weird bug which follows infinitive porn accounts.This summer held lots of adventure and was the time I attended my first ‘party’ it was super exciting and I’ll never forget the freindships I made during this time. Even though this leads on to christmas I can honestly say I loved this time of my life especially with my trip to Paris. This was infact my second time going to Paris, I love to compare these posts with my posts from the first time I went to Paris just to notice how mature they became it really helped me refelect on who I was becoming. yet again this period of my life had a male weirdly entined in the dates.

Now this was the time where I was very much a hard-core feed goals wannabe,

This was pre-summer with my trip to Llandudno with my friends and my birthday. This time of my life was very very exciting with spontanious outings and late night sleepovers with my friends we felt like we could rule the world one day and achive all of our dreams aslong as we stook together. Unsurpisingly the a boy still found himself stuck in which my layout adjusted which obviously ended in heart-break that led me to the common saying “he’s a dick” to end it all. But that couldn’t distract me from having the best days of my life with the best people in my life.

This time of my Instagram gives me a sense of coldness, maybe it’s because I live in England and when is it not cold? Or maybe its the fact I didn’t really understand the point. Everyday was the same the same routine nothing exciting was happening just going to school coming home to go back to school again.

Life lesson 2: Stop expecting start living
But soon enough things perked up especially seeing Ariana Grande on her Honey Moon Tour which is still to this day such a magical moment for me. Also, I’m pretty sure they are my Primark black jeans that I was ever so proud of purchasing.

No matter what I will always have a soft spot for this section of my feed,

It represents many moments in my life for example; my first trip to Paris, my first time uploading photos that i had taken which didn’t really have a purpose for example the raindrops or the lights both completely pointless but i wanted to show them and from here I never turned back. funnily enough people actually complimented me which left me puzzled but I’m so glad i did it. Now please hold for my Ariana Grande follow – still very very proud ( you may find my twitter ) I’m still deeply inlolve with Ed,Taylor and Ariana but in a way you love your child a bond that will always be there. However, I feel asthough 5 Seconds Of Summer was jsut a phase, neitherless I’d hook up with Calum Hood any day.

Now this is diving into the foetus days,
img_5770I could sit and cringe at these photos of me tring but I wont (like i ever stopped trying). I don’t really know how to describe this section as I feel its very stereotypical for a 13 yearolds Instagram with the boarders and random colours especially the chrome edits and a weird half face selfie where I’m squinting far too much. However, it was the time of quotes and me atempting not to ‘annoy’ anyone. Bless. But without the embarsing moments in our life would we be the people we are today?

So this brings me to my final paragraph (thank god): The conclusion of my Instgram known as @eleanorrpage. However, now I restart my journey on my new Instagram  (@eleanorpagee) not sure how I’m going to get it upto the same standard (what standers omg stop trying) but I’m going to have a go. Wish me Luck.

p.s Yes I understand people are dying in other countries. Yes i understand in some places in the word they’re lucky to receive water but we all come across struggles and this is just a blip in mine I do apologise but heyHo.